I haven't been married long enough to write about marriage, but
having at least dispensed with the business of finding, maybe I can say a thing
or two about that. I'm also
reading through Genesis again and it really is my favorite book for finding the
answer to the how to know question, and the stories of Adam,
Isaac and Jacob are so much fun, and so decidedly odd.
Now, this is not a complete or foolproof list, so don’t get hung
up over what’s on it and what isn’t – it’s just a fun look at how these three
men found their one, and I can't
promise that this won't turn into a 13-part series. Also, perhaps it is
important to say that I believe there's the
one that God has for you, I
believe that you find that person through a process, and it doesn't mean
there's only one person you can get married to and woe
unto you if she runs off to France with that husky-voiced, droopy-eyed
no-gooder. Okay, here goes:
1. She's the only one in sight
Think Adam. There's no other girl, she's the only one who looks
like you, and well, everything else around you is, um, weird. Adam could have
gotten married to a hippo...how it worked is that there wasn’t anyone else suitable for him. Hence, Eve.
2. You woke up and suddenly...
Say you were Adam. You were asleep. Then you woke up, and you
don't know what knocked you off your feet. Suddenly you saw someone whom you
were willing to give your name, call flesh of your flesh, and write endless
rhymes for. Good chance.
3. She's like you
This is a big one. The 'opposites attract' story is very modern.
She came from you, so surely, she must be a bit like you. But on the inside,
she absolutely has to be like you. It was so important that Abraham told his
servant, you must go find my
son a wife from among my own people. You must have the same values,
believe the same things. You'll see how important that is when she wants to
have a gothic mass and you want to take your kids to church.
4. You prayed, and God told you she was the one
This thing is no joke. Pray about it, like Abraham's servant did.
Say all those great things he said. (And then of course you still have to go to
the well and wait for the answer to the prayer, it's not like you're going to
meet her in your closet :)). Be there when God answers. Also, since Pentecostal
brothers have the tendency to overdo this and walk around telling girls God told me it's you...
5. You prayed, and God told her you're the one
If God only talked to you, um, a bit of a situation. See what
happens in Genesis 24 - after the servant has told Rebekah his story, and then
retold it to her family, when it came to crunch time, they say, we will call the young woman and
ask her personally. They
then proceeded to ask her whether she does indeed want to go get married to
this mysterious man she's never met. But, you ask, what would have happened if
she had said no while God had evidently answered this guy's prayer? Then, as
Abraham had told his servant, you
will be released from this oath.
6. She makes you want to, and actually do, impossible things
So Jacob turns up at some well, finds shepherds there. They
explain to him that there's a huge rock that prevents them from getting water.
He's rather disinterested. But see what happens when Rachel turns up: The moment Jacob spotted Rachel,
...he went and single-handedly rolled the stone from the mouth of the well and
watered his uncle's sheep (Gen 29.10). You can almost see him
strutting at Rachel's gratitude. If she can make you flip over yourself to go
beyond your natural abilities just to get in her good books, good chance. Ditto
Adam and his poetry.
7. You've worked hard for her
7 years. Maybe 14. Ask Jacob. Let her see that you value her,
enough to sweat to get and keep her attentions. You know when you've worked for
something, and when you've not. Value.
8. You married her
This here's the clincher. If you married her, she is THE ONE. It
doesn't matter whether she was the one with pretty eyes (Leah had nice eyes)
or the gorgeous one (But Rebekah was stunningly beautiful), if you
married her, she's the one. Stop looking!
That'll be all.
