No Fool

You are no fool.

A fool says in his heart, there is no God. There are many other things that a fool does (like knowing there’s danger ahead, and walking straight into it), but that one about God, that is the biggest foolery of them all. You, are no fool.

You know there is God. Wait, You know God is there. Like all of us do, right? God is there. Where He’s been since the beginning of time. For a while, He was here – despite the fact that He’s (as told by tellers) given human beings all of 70 years to live, He hang around for just under half of that. Did He get bored?... Nevertheless, He was here, then went back there. Where He still is.

From up there (of course it’s up), He can view the things and people He created with just about a passing interest. Surely, He can’t be bothered with how you dress, what you eat or even what you watch? He would, if He was here, but you know He’s there, see? You don’t need to consult Him about the things you do, or the paths you choose – He’s too far off for Him to bother. Besides, He gave you brains, AND left you here while He went back there.

You are no fool.

You would never say in your heart ‘there is no God’. That would be foolery. But you can determine where there is, and appropriately assign Him quarters in that general direction. The farther away, the better. That way, you can live life without anyone whispering in your ear about what God wants – He should be happy there, holding court with angels and floating on clouds.

Oh, and of course, Heaven is real. That’s why you go to church. It’s proof that God cares for where we go AFTER we’re dead. Surely no fool can believe that He really cares what goes on Monday to Saturday, right? His interest in your day-to-day life is limited to Sunday and eternity, right? Church attendance chalks up about 90% of the points you need to get you in, and if you’re nice to one or two people, you pile up the other 10%. It’s your life after all.

And you are no fool.

Really?

An Addendum:

God really is HERE. I know. He came and never left. He just has this thing going about not getting in unless He’s expressly invited. And if He’s not in with you (after being invited, of course), everything else is just detail. He is also THERE. There is that place we go to after we die; right before we’re assigned eternal quarters. The more religious among us call it Judgment Day. It just makes a lot of sense to me to have the judge on your side at times like those. Give thought to it this Christmas. He’s waiting for you to call Him.

Musings of a Believer

How can a young man keep his ways pure?, asked David in exasperation. I can see him now...he loves God, and he's always been true to Him, the God of his fathers. But yesterday, there was this girl at the well. Oh, nothing untoward happened, not yet anyway. But he felt something move on the inside of him, drawing him towards those lines he knows he must not cross. Aaargh, this can be so hard sometimes. It's funny because just yesterday, he was talking to some friends about this very thing. You're young, they kept saying. You have to enjoy your life, you know? These are small things that Jehovah cares not about - He understands. It's not like you'll make her pregnant or anything. But David knows, he knows that that path is a downhill slide. He knows that the way of darkness has a dim light at the door, and many have gotten lost thinking they were still in the light, even as the darkness swallowed them. And he remembers how on that day his ancestors met God at the mountain, He told them to stay far away from the boundary...It's getting dark, the tryst, and his friends, are waiting. Then David remembers one more thing - he's the chosen one. Surely, the promise is far greater than any temporary satiation. He opens his journal and writes the answer...by heeding Your Word, O LORD, and following its commands...

Timothy was getting a headache. This wasn't supposed to take this long. Can't these guys see I'm only a kid? Cut me some slack man! He smiles wryly...in a way, he got himself into this mess. See, the thing is, he wasn't willing to let them have their way. They have such warped ideas of God that Timothy could not stand just keeping quiet. He jumped in with two feet, waving Scripture and quoting Paul...oh, Paul, where was he when he's needed?...at first they had half-listened to him. Then they started advancing thoughts and philosophies, and they did seem to be making quite a bit of sense. Think of this Jesus as a great teacher, they said. And if indeed you believe in this salvation, why can't you just live as you please? Doesn't your God want you to be happy? Did he not create entertainment? Be merry, let yourself go. Don't waste your youth! Oh, if only..Timothy thought. Then he heard someone calling him. You have a letter, they said. It was Paul. The last words in the letter caught his eye.."Timothy, guard what God has entrusted you. Avoid godless, foolish discussions with those who oppose you with their so called knowledge. Some people have wondered from the faith by following such foolishness."...he smiled, and walked away from the debaters smiling. He had better things to do, like pray.

Being the pencil...

Something is happening upstream. No, I don’t know what. I don’t even know for sure whether something is actually happening, but I have His word that it is…and His word counts for pretty much. As Pea so aptly put it on her blog: People ask me what’s going on, and I want to tell them to ask You, because I don’t know – I am watching and waiting, just like they are.

See, God and I have been having a series of conversations recently, revolving mostly around control. As in, who is in control of my life? It’s not that I disagree with the fact that He ought to be; it’s just that practically, it seems a rather unworkable and vague arrangement. Half the time I’m busy working my own way, the other half trying to help Him along with His. As history has often showed me, that doesn’t work. It all fell apart. Well, not all – just the part I was holding.

I’ve been reading Andy Murray’s “Absolute Surrender”. Here’s a passage: God has created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and the flowers, and the trees, and the grass; and are they not all absolutely surrendered to God? Do they not allow God to work in them just what He pleases? When God clothes the lily with its beauty, is it not yielded up, surrendered, given over to God as He works in it its beauty? And God's redeemed children, oh, can you think that God can work His work if there is only half or a part of the surrendered? God cannot do it.

Ah, surrender. Does that mean I no longer call the shots? Apparently, yes. And I guess I just haven’t been ready to let ‘mystery’ (or faith, if you’re more spiritually inclined) take the place of good old logic. I think that’s why it fell apart. The part I was holding. It was a bit of a set-back, before I realized I’d been trying to drive my own vehicle – makes sense, right? That I would be my driver? He doesn’t agree, obviously.

He says He knows the best path way for my life (even mockingly suggests: How can a man understand the road he travels?), and it serves me better to let Him handle it. All of it. Even the smallest things like whether to go climb a mountain or spend the money on credit. Nothing vague about that. He’s in charge, I’m the pencil that’s fully yielded to the sharpening and the writings of its master. You don’t hear the pencil complaining, saying I’m tired of writing, let me cook instead. You see now why this is so hard, being a pencil.

Anyway, we are coming to agreement on a few fundamentals, Him and me. It’s made me realize how much better things can be. He gives simple instructions take a few steps into the Jordan, and wait, and I follow them, and wait. It all comes down, really, to trusting that He knows what He’s doing. Not asking too much, considering He’s been around since…the beginning of time.

How do I know something is happening upstream, and the raging waters will soon stop flowing and there will be dry ground to walk on? Even though I can’t see Him doing anything, and am I not almost drowning? How do I still know? Why, because He said so! I’m just the pencil.

The Luke 5 Month...

I read something the other day that tickled me - that the church ought to be like the airport; when you check in, they don't ask you where you've been, just where you're going! I say that to avoid answering (to myself, I suppose) the question of why I haven't posted anything in over a month, yet I call myself a writer, and not a two-time one either. Even this has taken some doing. OK, maybe more like a whole lot of doing, and I'm trying to slot it in between a game of scrabble with my always winning computer and yet another blank page waiting for words from me, with a deadline to boot.

Nevertheless, to pen I must...what about though? We could discuss McCain's running mate, or the Somali pirates and that ship with our tanks (or are they Southern Sudan's?), or perhaps the problems on Wall Street. The first doesn't concern me much, the second I can't comprehend because I don't believe Dr. Mutua these days, and the third...the third reminds me about that saying of Jesus - that everything that's done in the dark will eventually come to light. It also reminds me how fast things can change.

A month or so ago, I was on full-speed, heading forward with the 'wind in my sails', so to speak. Full action, blasting through, and then wham! everything came to a standstill. The best way I can describe it is what they do in movies - there's a fight going on, guns blazing, blood flowing, then suddenly, a decisive bullet is shot and the camera shifts to following that bullet in slow motion. For a few agonizing moments, every detail of the bullet is examined, it's direction scrutinized, and it's progress followed with keen detail. In slow motion.

That's where I've been, that slow motion part. It's been an interesting semi-pause, filled with many insights from the One on High. Pastor Briggs called it "The Relaunch" series. I've christened it my "Luke 5 Month". I've heard a lot about casting the nets one more time "because He said so", and now, I'm at it. One of the things I've really wondered about is how many nights those guys had been fishing before Christ turned up to tell them to try one more time - it doesn't matter though, because of that "not where you're from but where you're going" business. Their boat was soon sinking, because even though they acknowledged they'd already had a hard time (we've been fishing all night), they still went ahead to believe that maybe this time, things would be different.

On one of those Sundays, Pastor Briggs (God bless his heart!!) talked about one more interesting thing. The story of Peter being supernaturally released from prison. How the BELIEVERS had been hard at prayer for his release, but when Rhoda came running from the door to report "Peter is here!", they told her to stop being foolish. That just wasn't possible, they said, and went back to pray some more. The believers didn't believe their prayers had been answered. Surely, God didn't work that fast now, did He? (Just ask the guys on Wall Street about the speed at which circumstances can change)

Here I had been, praying and believing, but because we'd been through this so many times, through fishing all night and many nights, there was no real expectation of an answer. The bullet was fired, but in slow motion scrutiny, it was rather obvious hope of its reaching its target was missing, for some reason. How surprised I get when God actually does answer. Me believing man of God me. Yes Job of Uz, I see that hand!

There's something about relaunching that's so...freeing. The slow motion part was for the small adjustments (cast your net on the other side of the boat, Jesus said. The other side? That's like a couple of meters, what difference can that make? Peter must have asked.). Done with those, the movie continues. The fun part is at the end, when the knock at my door comes, and it's the answer to my prayer. Then I can say, like David, "I love the LORD because He hears and ANSWERS my prayers".

Meanwhile, I'm living as if it's already here - from prayer to praise. Faith is an active verb.

Of Weddings & Stuff

As a matter of choice, I generally avoid weddings these days. First, to skirt the inevitable ‘dressing up’ (It is a dishonor to the couple, I’m told, to turn up under-dressed at a wedding), and secondly, they’ve become rather trying, these occasions. Weddings, by their very nature, are opportunities for everyone to poke you in the ribs and ask “When’s yours? Soon, huh?”

At first, it’s funny and you all laugh about it. Then you realize it’s not so funny anymore, you need to start thinking about a serious answer to that one. Especially when the people you grew up with are the ones getting married!

This past Saturday though, I set aside my reservations and attended a most beautiful wedding and watched some friends of mine do the wedlock thingy. This one was close to my heart, really close. I won’t bore you with the details, but as I watched this couple exchange their vows, it occurred to me that this is one of God's ways of making a point.

The point being this - cliché as it may sound, He does have a plan. He has worked out each one of these things since the beginning of time. He’s not being caught unawares, and He’s not tapping his fingers and pacing at 3 a.m. in the morning wondering where to get me a mate from. Or anything else for that matter. I also doubt that He's forgotten the things He said, or that He's not been listening to pleas and shouts from this end of our relationship (Luke 18 comes to mind) about this, that and the other.

It took so long for these guys to see their wedding day happen, and it showed on their faces – that they’re a testimony to God’s faithfulness. Yet there isn’t a doubt that they are meant for each other like chapo and ndengu :) So it took a bit of time, and a bit of waiting, and a bit of frustration, maybe even a bit of wanting to give up, and a truckload of faith...God still made it happen.

Just because He can...

Someone made a comment about this post in another forum that really tickled me. Said he: If God is preparing you to become a chapo and ndengu combination, why rush things with your little plan of strong-tea and ugali combination?

I haven't had strong tea and ugali for a while, but his Ishmael vs Isaac point is made. He does seem a little too slow at times, this God of mine, but He's worth waiting for.

Faith Is A 5-Letter Word

What reason is there to continue to trust, and look to the future with any sort of hope? I asked myself over and over. I simply could not understand why I had been so let down, so disappointed - I had been so sure. I felt like I had been led on with promises that were never intended to be kept anyway. And my heart...it near broke in the process.

And last night, it was just a downpour of reminders - of all the things that were not working and were wrong. I spoke much, but I spoke my heart, and I spoke my frustration...and as i drifted off to sleep, it was with a blank, dark and coldly walling in heart. I knew I was done for, and I wasn't sure I minded that much...

The morning did not bring sunshine. Just more of the silence, and the sound of pep-talk from concerned friends hope, believe, don't give up, there's a plan, hold your head upbut the one I wanted to hear from the most kept quiet. And refused to explain.

As the day wore on, and I got even more wearied, it happened. Just sort of started to flow over my heart and mind. The questions that only I could answer - like, how could i walk away? Why would I walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me? More importantly, where would I go if I left? I started to think about all those times I was bailed out, all those moments of joy, and peace and happiness. I thought about how I always say that my love is unconditional, and if I never got anything in return, I'd still be happy to give it. I remembered that since the beginning, our relationship has been based on trust, and faith...faith that I will always be dealt the card that will bring the best result, ultimately.

The words that had been just a blur to me in the midst of my tears yesterday began to make sense - this is not the end, one said. Its only the end if I decide to make it so. All I can do is believe. Have faith that the plans haven't changed, only the timing. The dream was good while it lasted, another said, but the reality will be even better. It will work out, I heard again and again. It will. And those words from a few weeks ago came flying back - everything will work out. it always does.

I determined to walk back, and find comfort in the arms of the very one I so nearly ran away from, and have my tears wiped by those gentle arms that caused them. The one that's everything to me. Because truth be told, Jesus IS my life, and no matter how disappointing things get, I can't stop believing. I can't stop trusting in Him. Apart from Him, there really is no hope for anything. So I believed with all my heart that He was gonna do this or that for me, and so He didn't - shall the clay say to the potter, mold me thus?

It's not easy, and I see a lot of hobbling, and wet pillows in the days to come. It's gonna take awhile to break past all this automatic barriers that went up when it rained, but like that man of old, I'm calling out, I believe, but help my unbelief. He means more to me than anything ever will, and if it pleases Him to disappoint me, it must be for a reason. All I ask is that He helps me to believe again, every time I think He has disappointed me beyond repair.

Because Faith, like Jesus, is a five letter word. You can't have one without the other.

An Ode To A Man

Oh, those days are gone. The days when there were men of integrity, faithful men; men you could trust with your words as much as you could trust with your life; men who would stand with a fellow man through thick and thin; and come out at the other end holding each other up and smiling with mud all over their faces and crippling limps; honest men whose word is as sure as the rising of the sun; men whose hearts are after the Maker, consistent men; men with unquestionable values; true men.

Oh, those are gone, they say. Days when a man could find a friend in another, like David found in Jonathan; a friend that cheers you on and believes in you; a friend that would watch out for your interests and speak for you when men speak ill against you; a trustworthy friend, an unquestionable ally; a friend faithful....

If it is true that those days are gone, well, that's news to me. Because I do know a man like that. Maybe they just don't make them like that anymore, but he exists. Stingz, happy birthday!

Onyango, Kamau & Company

When I lived in Kibera, I shared my modest crib with Onyango, Kimani, Kipngeno, Mutisya and Abdi. Abdi and Kimani shared a bed because Abdi was new to the city. The only thing that separated our "bedrooms" was a "leso", an old dirty bed sheet that Mutisya had picked on his way from industrial area.

We shared everything and we showered in shifts and on alternate Sundays. Life was hard but we were happy. Kimani pushed mkoko at Marigiti and in the evening he would come home with a mixture of almost everything that was sold at the market. From it, we made a stew. Everyday it tasted distinctly different and authentic even though the ingredients remained the same, the quantity varied. Sometimes the pilipili or dania would be in plenty hence the taste of the day. We listened to Kameme together and KBC salamu za hodi together and shared ushindi bar soap for washing and geisha for bathing. We played draught at weekends.

In short we were more than brothers, and we remained so for 5 years until the elections were called. It was time to part ways. We got new identities jaluo, mkamba, kaleo, sapere, walalo and banye. Identifying ourselves with the rich politicians we shared a language with was the thing, not the poor we had been with for years.

The wealthy man from my tribe won the election I headed to the same room I had shared for five years with people of my class, albeit with some election posters to deco our crib. Mheshimiwa headed for Grand Regency to celebrate. That night we slept without food. After a while things came back to normal we were back to sharing everything with Abdi, Mutisya, Onyango etc. Whenever there was bereavement amongst us, we all attended. Just the poor people. Mheshimiwa was busy on the beach. But when mheshimiwa got bereaved I mourned for him for weeks, even though I won't be let to go past his gate. When he engaged in corruption, I defended him fiercely just because he spoke my Language,

I voted for mheshimiwa, he lives big but life for me, Onyango, Kimani, Abdi is still the same. What if we had voted for one of us regardless of his tribe, could life be different?????

The truth is, the only common thing between you and your much-cherished Mheshimiwa is the language. Nothing else, NOTHING.